Two-wheel drives: a quick spin into Euroculture psyches | The Zakopane Sessions: the Mountain as a Divan
So much can be told about someone’s personality by observing his or her behaviour in waiting lines, bus stops and the way their hold and drag their fags. A bit more can be inferred by the way you walk, your sitting posture or the way your face betrays you while trying to conceal a big fat secret. We at Euroculture Krakow, after years of intensive theoretical and empirical research, have devised THE analytical method that will synthesize all others, and will render a holistic and precise psychologic profile of the subject: the AMPTWEED Test (Ampleman Two-Wheel Drive Test).
The AMPTWEED consists of a very mundane but powerful tool which surreptitiously regresses our subjects to their childhood and allows a glance to their innermost fears, desires and hidden secrets. Placed in a comfortable, stable and peaceful setting the subject is asked to draw a bicycle. (An additional musical element could render the experiment a notch more exhilarating: Mercury’s yodeled desire to ride a biiiicycle, biiiicycle).
These are the results of our first sample:
Through out the years the subject has developed a tendency to retreat herself spiritually while in the company of others and a defensive attitude when confronted with her acute addiction to concentrated doses of caffein.
A much talkative subject, she often disguises her drives and wants under a plethora of well structured and rhetorically convincing arguments which delays their attainment and thus renders her with a baggage of mixed feelings. Pay close attention to the lower-right corner of the AMPTWEED.
A preponderant childish behaviour characterises the subject’s reactions in the contexts of friendship, play, nourishment and work, while his physical build, a rather above average stature and strength, renders his infantile movements and interactions with others to that of a “gross brute”.
The intellectual archetype fits the subject’s noesis and explains his difficulty with grasping reality and dissecting the ontological realms to which he pertains. Close attention must be paid to the remark, which as an addendum to the AMPTWEED, reveals a hindered perception of the factual and unfeigned.
A constant strive to shed light onto the unknown, inexplicable or even ineffable is the subject’s essential virtue, but also her inescapable flaw. Her case is a rather complex one being affected by several external factors yet to determine, which render her psychological readings quite variable and therefore of meager empirical utility.
A quiet subject who normally passes as a introversive, nonchalant lateral observer is full of genious-like insights and often provides the precise order, encouragement or persuasion phrased as an unimportant side-commentary that eases conflict and discord among her entourage.
An obsession with frameworks, rules, discipline and clarity has driven the subject’s psyche into a perennial state of over-awareness, which has blatantly affected other facets of her psycho-social skills. For instance, the tendency to mispronounce southern-Polish góralski towns, or unconsciously reveal a puerile excitement towards food.
A passive-aggressive character concealed by a deceivingly array of proper manners and well-trained body gestures is the main feature of this subject’s modus operandi. Notice the lightness of her ink traces, which reveal a well-mastered act of delicateness, as well as her often mentioned pleasure of hitting boxing sacs and uncontrollable madness when confronted with stressful situations.